Returning Home: A Scene

The other day I came home from work exhausted. All I wanted was to sit down and unwind for a little bit. The cats, however, had a different idea.  I have channeled my inner script writer to bring you a scene from a typical evening routine. Do your evenings run something like this? (Please note: OMC translates to Oh my cat!)

Me:  sitting in my car in the darkened garage for a moment, relaxing after a 20 min. drive home. Looking at the clock: 7:40. Well, another day done.  I can’t wait to get inside and watch some Star Trek!  Get out of car, open garage door. 

Little Black; Waiting outside the garage door for me.  OMC! I AM SO HAPPY YOU ARE HOME! I HAVE MISSED  YOU SO MUCH! HERE! LOOK AT ME! I’M SCREAMING AND PRANCING JUST FOR YOU! As she runs from the garage to the deck, constantly checking to see if I’m behind her.  I’VE MISSED  YOU SO MUCH TODAY!  ALL DAY! I MISSED YOU!  Rubbing on the chair next to me  DON’T TOUCH ME! WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO TOUCH ME? I’LL RIP YOUR HAND OPEN IF YOU DO IT AGAIN! OMC  I MISSED YOU! LET’S PLAY!

Mama: Hanging back behind Little Black Hi. I missed you. I think. Don’t get near me! Stay away! I’m glad your home, but I don’t really want you to know that. So don’t look at me. If you have food I’ll take that. But don’t look at me!  I just like to know you are home. Now go away! But feed me first. I’ll go hide till you are done with Little Black, and you leave some food.

After finally getting past the obstacle course that is Little Black and Mama. I get inside.  Muffin is sleeping in her box on the counter, Crash is on the couch or his chair. 

Me; Hi cats!

Muffin:  Nothing. Can’t be bothered to lift her head to see me. 

Crash:  Eager face!  Oh boy! Are you going into the kitchen? You are! You’re in the kitchen! Gets up and trots into the kitchen.  I am SOOOO hungry! No one has fed me in hours! Oh please, please feed me! Ok  you can pet me if you must but feed me! FEED ME! I am STARVING!! Looks at food I dish out.  I don’t want to eat that. Why would you give me that? It’s so offensive, you have to give me something new! I. AM. STARVING! YOU MUST FEED ME!

Me: Crash, that’s all the food I have. You had that for dinner, you can have it again, I promise it’s not offensive.

Crash: NO! It’s offensive! I dislike this food. I want something new. GET ME SOMETHING NEW!!

Me: *sigh* Opens cabinet and pulls out yet ANOTHER can of food to add to the four already open ones. Scoop some up and give it to Crash. 

Crash: YES! FOOD! GLORIOUS FOOD! OH THANK YOU!

Me:  *Sigh* You’re welcome cat.  Proceed upstairs. where I can finally throw myself on the bed and relax.  I turn on the light in my room. 

Sneakers: Looking at me from his cat perch by the window.  OMC! YOU’RE HOME! HOLY SARDINES! YES!  Jumping off his cat perch and weaving between my legs. LET’S RUN AROUND AND PLAY!  Flopping on ground, reaching towards a toy.  COME ON! I’ve been so lonely and bored without you all day. I missed you so much! Can we please play! Let’s run. Can we run! Come on, come on, chase me! CHASE ME!

Me: Fine Sneaky Pants. Let’s play.  Sneakers  and I proceed to play, run through the house. I chase him around all the furniture. We take a break to feed Crash some more. Then feed Sneakers some more. Then we go back to playing. 

Half an hour later. An hour after getting off work. I finally get to sit down, I throw myself on the bed and turn on the TV.

Me:  So tired. Maybe now I can finally relax.

A growl echoes up from downstairs. Muffin is awake. Sneakers is still playing. Time to break up the cats. 

Me:  You dang cats! STOP IT! Get up again, separate cats. Repeat. An hour after getting home, finally get to sit down and relax.  Looking at clock, see it’s 9pm. Well, so much for relaxing. Time to get everyone ready for bed.

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